I Want You More When You're Afraid Of Me

Today was a banner day. I was waiting until just the right moment to get my hands on my personal Rosetta Stone...Chinese Democracy. So, I finally got it in my greedy little hands and opened it and smelled that precious new cd smell..no mp3 or illegal downloading on this one. I had to have it in my hands. I'll save my downloading for live stuff.
It's Friday, so I'm out as usual, with the Chinese gold in my purse. The night was sweet and pleasant and I knew it was going to end with me listening to Axl and claiming this to be one of the best nights ever. Yeah right.
The door of the bar opened and in walked my best dream and my worst nightmare. The dream was dear sweet beautiful friend that I haven't seen in so long that I used to ache when I thought about him. I've missed him so much that I can't even truly put it into words.
The nightmare was...well..see the last post. The one about the guy that I will someday grow up to be. But as not all nightmares are evil, I was reasonably happy to see him, until I realized that he was overly drunk and there specifically to hurt me. He'd gotten some bad intel and said he was going to show up and teach me a lesson. He hasn't shown up for two years, so I didn't believe him. I've been wrong before and I was wrong now. The night wound up with him leaving..and (hee hee) taking a header in the snow outside the bar and me in tears.
For good or bad, everyone saw what he did and what he said and there wasn't anyone on his side, but that's kind of irrelevant. He took another step towards showing me what I have to look forward to. I know I will be him, but I don't want to. I don't want to be that malicious or cruel. I want to be able to not be afraid of my feelings like he is and I want to be free of what he's cost me. There's so much more to say, but I don't know what it is right now. But I promise I will revisit this subject.
I didn't listen to my Chinese gold tonight...it's just not a night to enjoy it.
Tomorrow's post will be by a guest writer and then I think I might have it together to talk some more about tonight.

L-
me