Thursday, December 27, 2007

More Email Gone Blog

This one was kind of fun and so I'm putting it here. Don't tell me you expected some sort of end of the year wrap up. I've got a few days left, but don't hold your breath.

1. What's the most annoying thing that's happened to you this week? Dealing with a problem with my cell phone.
2. What are the last five songs you listened to before the one you're listening to right now?
a) Safety Dance-Men Without Hats
b) Irresponsible Hate Anthem-Marilyn Manson
c) Malibu-Hole
d) Baby It's You-The Chamber Strings
e) Detroit Rock City-Kiss
3. What are you listening to right now? Dream On-Depeche Mode
4. What luxury item can you never get enough of? Good Champagne
5. What's the last concert you saw? I Love Rich
6. What's the last movie you saw? The Simpsons Movie
7. What's the last tv show you saw? Two and A Half Men
8. What's the last thing you ate? Caesar salad
9. What's the biggest misconception about you? That I care
10. What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Nothing, but Coldstone cake batter ice cream... I could negotiate.
11. What's the most unrealistic occupation you've ever dreamed of having? Teaching
12. Do you have plans for the weekend? Yes.
13. Do you have plans for New Year's Eve? No
14. Do you have OCD? Yes
15. Are you drunk right now? No
16. Are you high right now? No
17. Would you rather be doing something else right now? Yes
18. Would you rather be with someone else right now? Well, considering it's me and the cat right now, yes.
19. What's the best thing that's happened to you this week? Saw an old friend.. well kind of an old friend... someone I used to know. That was nice, didn't realize that I'd missed him until I saw him. I tend to forget the nice people I used to know.
20. What's the worst thing that's happened? A crazy phone call from someone I care about and a text message I can't explain.
21. Did you have a good week? All in all yeah.
22. Would you relive this week? If I had to, it wasn't that bad. I've had better weeks to relive though.
23. Would you live a week in your hero's shoes? Nikki? Hell yes!
24. Would you live a week in your worst enemies shoes? Don't really have a worst enemy, but if I did, sure... think of the damage I could do in a week!
25. Would you change anything that you did this week? Probably not. I didn't really do anything.

That's it. Like I said, that one was kind of fun.

Later-
me

Sunday, December 16, 2007

You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory

If you take a memory, any memory really, and ask people who were involved with that memory, none of you will remember it the same way. I swear I have a fantastic memory, but what if I don't? What if all my memories are tainted with the way I needed to see them at that moment?
This is a mixed up post, but it's based on another reaction to the Heroin Diaries and a long conversation with a friend a few days ago. I used to spend a lot of time fucked up in one form or another, and now, reading that book, I wonder, if my memories of having fun and laughing, were my perception and I was actually hurting people or ruining someone else's good time.
I have a friend and a semi-friend who were very proud of their quick wit and intellect. But, sometimes they used that in a negative way. Sometimes they were bullies. I laughed at their antics a lot, so maybe I was one too, but that's not my point. My point is, how many times did they devastate someone , or spoil what might otherwise have been a great evening out.
I also have another friend, who is really a good guy at heart, who gets his kicks from seeing two people having a good time together, not PDA, as much as just talking, laughing and creating a connection, and he has to go over and break it up and talk the female in the duo into wandering away and hanging out with him. He's fun to be around, so the girl walks away with good memories of her night, but were those the memories she wanted or should have had?
There's another guy, rapier wit and amazing intelligence, who has spoiled many a night by knowing exactly what button to hit on someone. He's flawless at it and it's great fun to watch, but once again, do those people go home at night and think about all the things they did, or do they think about what he said. From some of the people I've talked to, it's the mean comment that gets dwelled upon.
In The Heroin Diaries, and The Dirt by extension, Nikki and Tommy did just that on a regular basis. They hurt people who got in the way of their fun. Or, they hurt people in the name of having fun. I know for a fact I've done that myself. I've done it to people I love, people who I like and people that I couldn't care less about. That's selfish, I know, and I don't much care, but I wonder what my memories look like on the other side of the table.
People paint me as so nice, but I'm not. I'm a bully in my own way. I'm demanding and bitchy, and I'm aware of it. Sometimes the insults pop out of my mouth before I have even had time to realize I've thought them. It's instinct, like it is with every person mentioned above.
I'm very similiar to the friend, semi-friend and rapier wit guy mentioned above, as well as to Nikki Sixx, and now, I wonder, how many people went home at one point or another stinging over something I said or did. I can't take it back, and wouldn't if I could, but it'd be an interesting figure to have.
Does this mean I'm going to be nice from now on? No. Does this mean I'm going to think before I speak? No. It just means I'm aware that I might be screwing up someone's evening and I'm ok with it. Does that make me awful? Probably, but I couldn't live with myself any other way.
But the memories that I carry of the special evenings out, that just fell into my lap by good timing and luck, I treasure. I love thinking of them and I'm sure I'll pull them out when I'm older and relish them just as much. There are the "Cone Of Silence" memories, when myself and a friend just sat and talked and were so intimidating, I guess, that no one would interrupt us. I love those memories, because they can't be recreated. Those nights just happened and I carry them in my heart always. People who wanted to spend time with me were hurt during the creation of those memories, but I wouldn't trade a second of them for anything in the world. I can't even honestly say that I'm sorry that I hurt those people back then, because I'm not. I was creating memories that I take to bed with me and dream about. Those were the nights that were pink castles and apple blossoms and fuck anyone who got hurt in the process.
My phone calls with another friend are up there too. I let bunches of people go to voicemail, so I can talk to this guy. We're just friends, but I get so much nourishment from those conversations that it's worth pissing a few people off.
There's another friend who I see way too rarely, but we keep in touch and go to lunch once in awhile that I've known forever and just knowing he's out there, thinking of me...stealing rocks from Anton LaVey's house for me, makes me stronger. I have so many fantastic memories of time spent with this guy that there isn't enough room to tell them all here. But trust me he's special, and I'm honored to have him as a friend.
To wrap up a mixed up post, which I did warn you was going to be mixed up, I'm just going to say, enjoy all your great memories, but try and remember that other people have memories too. Theirs might not be as great as yours.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Another Email Gone Blog

I got another one of those stupid question emails, and as usual I thought I'd share.

1. What color do you hate? Orange
2. What color do you love? Purple
3. What celebrity do you hate the most? Carmen Electra
4. Which celebrity do you love the most? Nikki Sixx
5. Do you believe in reincarnation? Sometimes.
6. Do you believe in God? Yes
7. Are you afraid of death? I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid of dying before I accomplish what I want to here.
8. Will you go to heaven? Hope not... a life of Satanism wasted on heaven would truly suck.
9. Would you eat a worm? In heaven? I hate disjointed questions. I ate one when I was a kid, so yeah I guess so.
10. Have you even seen a rainbow? Yeah
11. Do you know anyone from a foreign country? Yeah
12. Have you ever ran away from home? Not really, I just moved out.
13. Have you ever cried? Really stupid question, I'm human, of course I've cried.
14. Have you ever danced on a bar? Yeah
15. What's the last book you read? My Sister's Keeper and it sucked.
16. What's the last movie you saw? I Know Who Killed Me
17. Have you ever hit someone so hard they bled? Yeah
18. Are you tough? In what regard... maybe.
19. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? Yeah
20. Will you repost this? On my blog yeah, but I'm not sending it to anyone else.

Ok, I've shared email stupidity. What fun....