In this post, I made a little semi-list of the rules of BBS.
My Life in Lists and Stupid Stories: Random Thoughts On Random Play
There are a few more things to expect in a BBS. The most important one is that they are always afraid of their feelings. You will never get honesty from them in front of them, ever. Don't expect it, you will get hurt. The honesty will come in the form of cryptic things said, texted, or emailed at weird hours so there is plausible deniablity. "I was drunk", "I just had a fight with (insert significant other who they are miserable with here)" and "I was overtired and rambling" are the three phrases you will hear most after one of these sessions.
Next, after one of these sessions, no matter what they tell you, you will never and I mean never hear from them the next day. They need time. To extricate themselves from whatever short term problem got them in contact with you. They need time to think about how they are going to deal with whatever they said to you and you to them. (A side note here. Another great BBS trick is to find out how you feel about them so that they can proceed to use it against you for 5 years or 10 years or whatever of treating you like garbage. I've got two of these running, one slightly over 10 years, and one about 7 years. It's so much fun. One is essentially a nice guy who comes off as having the best of intentions, but he's the reigning king of blow offs and hurtful stunts, the other one is a major asshole with extreme mental issues. Either way, they can both make me cry and they know it.) The other reason you won't hear from them right away after this, is that, since they didn't follow up the next day, they have to figure out how they are going to get back around without you being pissed. Someone who is a seasoned pro at dealing with BBS shit won't be pissed. Hell. it's in the handbook. They just deal with it, and the next BBS call may or may not be returned. Sometimes the victims of the BBS need time to deal as well. But eventually, all will go back to whatever state of normal there is.
A BBS will always have a relationship going on, even if it's imaginary. There will always be some major obstacle keeping him from whatever or whoever it is that they supposedly "really" want. The obstacle will always be female and they will always be controlling and dominating, so that the BBS has a ready and able excuse for his blow offs or other rotten behavior. The girl will also be used (see above) as an easy excuse for why they've called you at 3 am, or texted you at midnight or emailed you at 6:30 am with odd comments that might be taken as romantic and hopeful if they weren't coming from a BBS.
A BBS may or may not be aware that he's hurt you. He will hurt you, trust me on this one. To care, even mildly for a BBS promises tears and heartbreak. Hell, I've had BBS friends who have made me cry. A BBS may care that he's hurt you, but unless he's one of those into huge gestures (Personally, the most fun type, but they are a dying breed), it'll never be acknowledged. They either go big or stay home. Since they know they can hurt you and still reach you the next time around, what motivation do they have for trying to make it up to you? None, and that lies at the feet of the BBS victim. She allows it to happen, so they don't even have to try.
A true BBS will never know you. They might know all of your buttons and which ones to hit, but they won't know if you have siblings. They might know that you like a particular band, but that's just because you've played it in front of them. They won't know your favorite color, or what tv shows you like, or if you prefer vanilla or chocolate. They just won't. It's one of the things that clogs the way to a real relationship. Do you spend all your money (and therefore his) on clothes or books? Are you the type who likes to go out every night or are you comfortable at home? These are things that are important, but a BBS won't think of, to do so would spoil the big romantic notion he won't share with you.
Oddly, a girl who plays with BBS are big romantics, but that's just a side fact. That side fact keeps them around though, although with the romantic big gestured BBS fading, don't know if the girls will stay. The fact that a BBS will remember major nonpersonal holidays is nice, but they'll remember your birthday only if there is a clear reason for doing so. You'll get a five second phone call, if that, but it'll buy brownie points for the next few fuck ups. The BBS wars are hell, but some people are just drawn to it.
I am a veteran of these wars, scars and all. I'm ok with that. I like BBS. I know what to expect, and because of that, I can occasionally avoid some of the pain. Is it worth it? I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out.
later-
me
14 years ago
