Completely Aimless Ramblings

This has been a confusing few weeks. Everyone I know has problems, be it big or small and to be honest, I'm at the end of my shrink rope. There are a few who, no matter what, I will be there for them, but some people I just wince when the phone rings.
I'm not innocent myself, here, I'm going through a rough patch too. As usual, I'll get through it, I always do, with the help of a very small circle of people I can really talk to. I wonder though, about the people who put me in the small circle of people they can talk to. What happens to them when I'm screwed up.... oh..that's right, I forgot.... THEY DON'T CARE.
It's the circle of selfish friends who drive me over. They're the ones whose problems trump everyone else and if they don't really have anything going on at the moment, they'll pick at old problems until they're fresh again and then their problem...fully invented out of whole cloth, trumps everyone else, no matter what. That's what hurts. It makes it truly hard to trust anyone, not that I trust that easily anyway.
I'm a recluse.... I used to be a hermit but then I found out that that wasn't "classy" enough, so now I'm a recluse. Anyway, I'm a recluse and I rarely spend a second of my time dealing with anyone I don't want to, something that's easy enough to manage when the only way to get in contact is through the phone, e-mail or texting. But when I go out, it gets more difficult. There are people I want to see and talk to, but in general, that list is small. Maybe 3 or 4 people tops. When I'm out, I usually run into people who want to talk and I'll talk for a few, but I'm beelining for the either the people I came with or the people I came to see. The last few weeks have been hard for that because either the people I want to see aren't around, or the people who want to talk to me have been more demanding. I wouldn't call myself popular, but occasionally people have things to say I guess. It feels like my life is split into factions sometimes. I have my hardcore group of friends, then there are the friends I hang out with sometimes that I like, then there's a group of friends I can only hang out with if one or another of the previous people aren't around because so and so doesn't like so and so, you know how that goes. Then there's my old friends who I don't see very often, who I touch base with occasionally to remind myself of who I used to be, those people are usually music related. It's weird how it all works and the amount of time that goes with that, maybe that's why I'm a recluse. It gets a bit overwhelming at times.
I had a dream last weekend that I did something that I would never do in a million years. Or maybe I would. That bugs me, the not knowing. I wouldn't have thought I was that type of person, but maybe I am. In this dream, I told a lie to someones girlfriend to get them to break up with this guy, so I could be with him. I've never done that, and it doesn't seem like something I would do, but who knows. That's part of the weirdness of dreams, you never know if they're a part of you, or just a mini movie playing in your head for a bit. Anyway, this dream still disturbs me, almost a week later. Being reclusive, I have more time to dwell on things than the average, normal person, and this one bugs me. How many times have I said "I'd crawl over broken glass" to do this or that, or "I'd do anything" for whatever, but even in a dream, that seems icky. And I REALLY don't like it.
Speaking of Icky, I heard the new White Stripes single, "Icky Thump". It reminds me of old seventies rock with some cool lyrics thrown in. I like it. But, that's no surprise.
I also heard, over the weekend, that people I didn't even know knew about this blog, read it and were displeased. Hi, that's what the comments section is for. I know that some people much prefer talking behind my back, but that's just ridiculous and childish...especially when they are older than I am. Please free to leave whatever bitchy things you need to say. Translation for the stupid.... say it to me... not to others. If the main point is for me to hear it anyway, I do, but I'd much prefer to eliminate any middlemen, so there will be no confusion whatsoever.
I found out who prefers dead people...see people do leave comments! It was a joke I should have gotten and missed, but the second I found out who it was, it made sense. I'm sure I will write about dead people again eventually, so everyone, or almost everyone will be happy.
I don't have a list off the top of my head tonight..... lets see.... ummmmm.... how about.. no.... ummmm aw screw it, you'll get one soon...
Later