This post has been simmering for awhile, because it's very close to my heart and I wanted to be sure that I knew all my feelings before I got here.
I read The Heroin Diaries (I know..shocking) and have a lot of thoughts on it. This is part one of what will probably be an off and on series of posts about this book.
As I have said before many, many times, I identify with Nikki Sixx and I always have. This book made me understand more of why I do. We both have a lot of the same parent issues, we both are never satisfied with anything in our lives and we both lived with a giant hole in ourselves which we filled with evil, music, mischief, drugs and sex. Although he played music, and I mostly listened.
We both have severe psychological problems, which we both take medication to control, I think we're actually on the same one these days. We're both generally extremely antisocial, although immensely controlling of any room we enter and we spend a lot of time making sure we're near the exit. We're both dominant and manipulative. We're bossy and have to have our way and usually get it. We love and hate with a passion that scares us both and we're both overly obsessive. Hell, we even like the same kind of furniture and architecture.
Now, having said all that about a perfect stranger, this book opened a lot more wounds in me than it healed. Nikki is the only person I have ever idolized, and that makes me wonder just how narcissistic I truly am. I'd love to idolize someone that I have nothing in common with, but sadly, that didn't happen. I swear, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would spend most of it on Nikki memorabilia...remember Sebastian Bach's house on Cribs..like that, but cooler. I'd have an entire Nikki room, filled with real stuff, not a signed magazine cover bought off ebay for a buck plus shipping.
Back to the book, his diaries for that time, the way he was feeling and the thoughts he was having, not about the dope, but about his life, his parents, the people he knew, I've been brain in brain with those same thoughts. It made me think harder and longer about things than I have in a very long time. I don't know if I would ever want to sit down and talk to Nikki, because I talking to him might make me realize some of the stuff I've locked in my head and since he insists on dealing with his crap, I'd be afraid I'd have to as well. I've followed in his wake for a long time, hair color, drink of choice, stupid shit like that, as well as some of the more serious things, that I keep coming back to dealing with things, as he's done and seeing if I come out on the other side as strongly as he has. But I'm not Nikki. I've always known that (one crazy issue down, a billion more to go), but I have a part of him in me and it's kind of cool.
The Heroin Diaries is one of the scariest books I've ever confronted, because after a few pages I didn't read it, I dealt with it, because I saw new and scary parts of Nikki as well as new and scary parts of myself.
I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I have to put it together. You'll read more on this topic a few posts from now. No list, there's already one on here.
I read The Heroin Diaries (I know..shocking) and have a lot of thoughts on it. This is part one of what will probably be an off and on series of posts about this book.
As I have said before many, many times, I identify with Nikki Sixx and I always have. This book made me understand more of why I do. We both have a lot of the same parent issues, we both are never satisfied with anything in our lives and we both lived with a giant hole in ourselves which we filled with evil, music, mischief, drugs and sex. Although he played music, and I mostly listened.
We both have severe psychological problems, which we both take medication to control, I think we're actually on the same one these days. We're both generally extremely antisocial, although immensely controlling of any room we enter and we spend a lot of time making sure we're near the exit. We're both dominant and manipulative. We're bossy and have to have our way and usually get it. We love and hate with a passion that scares us both and we're both overly obsessive. Hell, we even like the same kind of furniture and architecture.
Now, having said all that about a perfect stranger, this book opened a lot more wounds in me than it healed. Nikki is the only person I have ever idolized, and that makes me wonder just how narcissistic I truly am. I'd love to idolize someone that I have nothing in common with, but sadly, that didn't happen. I swear, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would spend most of it on Nikki memorabilia...remember Sebastian Bach's house on Cribs..like that, but cooler. I'd have an entire Nikki room, filled with real stuff, not a signed magazine cover bought off ebay for a buck plus shipping.
Back to the book, his diaries for that time, the way he was feeling and the thoughts he was having, not about the dope, but about his life, his parents, the people he knew, I've been brain in brain with those same thoughts. It made me think harder and longer about things than I have in a very long time. I don't know if I would ever want to sit down and talk to Nikki, because I talking to him might make me realize some of the stuff I've locked in my head and since he insists on dealing with his crap, I'd be afraid I'd have to as well. I've followed in his wake for a long time, hair color, drink of choice, stupid shit like that, as well as some of the more serious things, that I keep coming back to dealing with things, as he's done and seeing if I come out on the other side as strongly as he has. But I'm not Nikki. I've always known that (one crazy issue down, a billion more to go), but I have a part of him in me and it's kind of cool.
The Heroin Diaries is one of the scariest books I've ever confronted, because after a few pages I didn't read it, I dealt with it, because I saw new and scary parts of Nikki as well as new and scary parts of myself.
I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I have to put it together. You'll read more on this topic a few posts from now. No list, there's already one on here.
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